This is an ongoing story about a mermaid.

She’s not the little mermaid. She’s actually quite large despite various diets, workout routines, and starvation plans. But like the little mermaid she left the water to walk on land because of a guy in a boat. Her mortal life has been a long journey walking on broken glass, leaving blood from the cuts as she travels. When that guy on the boat returned to the river (and to being a river spirit), she was left behind as the only one left who remembered all the things he’d passed down. The waves crashed in on her, and she realized her only hope was to return to the sea.

I don’t want to turn to sea foam without rescuing our family lore from fading away. My father, who was the main person who told me things while I was growing up, has passed away with my mother. My grandparents were gone a long time ago. My brother doesn’t remember any of it. (Colonized, they call it.) So it’s just me.

I have no one to pass it to directly, so I chose to start writing this blog. While I write, I’m going to be figuring things out about a lot of topics that have everything to do with it even when it doesn’t seem like it does. This includes but won’t be limited to themes of generational abuse, family history, language, visions, wishes, and Medicine of course. The Native American shamanistic kind.  I will probably use articles as springboards for me to explore my family lore, or simply to have something to talk about. I can’t really say what I’m going to do any given moment, really.

I can’t just preach the information to you like you’re a schoolkid. My upbringing was filled with stories, and it was up to me to glean the information out of those stories. There were a lot talks filled with information that often went back to something personal somewhere. This sort of path requires you learn to look for the information and figure it out for yourself. This is how the way becomes unique to just you.

I am not going to shy away from using my personal story to relate to a topic at hand. I know there are those out there who seem to think people who do that are trying to compete or override a story, but that’s not always the case. In the old ways, this is a teaching tactic. An empathy device. A way for someone to feel connected, to let the other know they’re not alone.

Lesson number one is that it’s not always about you. It’s also not always about them. If you want to connect with yourself, you must learn to do so both internally and externally. You have to learn to connect with the world, and that means that old elder who keeps saying, “Heh! Well in MY day…!”  There’s a lot of information in those stories. That information is programmed to be shared when we reach a certain age as a survival tactic. It’s instinct. To not understand this is part of our imbalance with ourselves and the world.

On the other hand, there are people who simply will not listen to you. They’re more interested in topping your story with a bigger tale. Those people are imbalanced, too.  In these situations, you must learn to connect internally. The connection is wholly up to you at that point.

Being balanced between both sides is knowing when someone is trying to connect and when they’re being selfish…and knowing when you’re being selfish and when you should connect.

The idea of balance is one of the lessons I figured out for myself over the years. My father didn’t teach that to me.

There is an important thing to mention here. I am not a shaman. I am not leading some community with a mouth bow and drum, summoning the spirits while wearing leathers and furs. I’m just a mermaid from a barrier island with Medicine people on one branch of her family tree, royalty on a few of the others (not lying), and a famous preacher somewhere in the middle (that is also truthful). I adored my father. I hung on his every word. He liked attention, so he talked a lot.

Oh, by the way. I use the word “Indian” frequently. My father used the word. The rest of my family used it. There are quite a few nations out there with the word “Indian” in their name.  Do not think for a minute your lecturing me about what words I’m allowed to use is going to change my mind. It’s only going to make you look stupid. I do not recommend.